March 21 – April 20: May…the month of uncertainty. Maybe you will find a market for your work. Maybe you will find your own partner without your mother’s intervention. Maybe you look better without hair over your lip.
April 21 – May 20: Too bad this is just a horoscope. May has an emerald birthstone. Maybe you were born in May and someone you love will give you a big-old ring. But this is just a horoscope. So, it’s a Maybe.
May 21 – June 20: “Mother May I?” Remember that school yard game? Your most frequent reply was “No!” Good preparation for the time you spend checking Submittable.
June 21 – July 20: MAYDAY, MAYDAY!! Stop exaggerating. That file was automatically backed up, right? Right? Hello? Are you there?
July 21 – August 20: So,…maybe you carry a handheld dictionary, thesaurus, spell-helper grammar calculator that everyone thinks is so outmoded. What they do not realize is that you can do all that stuff without having to change or minimize screens. Hah!
August 21 – September 20: No,…maybe you do stop carrying a wonky silver hand-held mechanism that serves five specific functions and spend the rest of your life blinking through the tabs at the top of your web pages, looking all smarty-like.
September 21 – October 20: “Marry in May and you’ll rue the day.” Marry any day and there is an obvious likelihood that you will regret it. A serial monogamist such as yourself should not use a folklore-ish excuse to bug out of a relationship. But you will.
October 21 – November 20: Did you know that no other month on the calendar begins on the same day of the week, and ends on the same day of the week, as May? Do you believe that? Can you prove it? Can’t you find something more important to do?
November 21 – December 20: May 1, 1931: The Empire State Building officially opens. Four generations later, and what do you have to show for it? We suppose you have been alive for less than three of them. But still…
December 21 – January 20:
While strolling through the park one day
In the merry merry month of May
I was taken by surprise
By a pair of roguish eyes
I was scared but I didn’t run away.
January 21 – February 20: In the park, alone, with a strange person looking straight at you. What is wrong with you? Are you Bram Stoker?
February 21 – March 20: May is the month of beauty and the beginning of new life. Wait a minute there, before you get all sentimental. We think new stuff is beginning all the time. Like your chapbook, except wasn’t that last year? We are now confused. How long does “beginning” last?